Totally Beleavable

Rob Lee

Clearly “beleavable” is spelled incorrect (word dicks), but there is a meaning in this error. I’ve been pondering what makes dating/relationships fail. It’s not infidelity, hell in my case, I don’t cheat. Cheating is horrible and it leaves scars for the victim. People leave/break-up/disappear because the person they are with is leavable.

Leaveable

Someone being loveable enough to catch a person’s eye, to maintain their interest, develop familiarity outside of a purely physical interest. The leavable part here relates to staying power. Is that loveable person great enough to stay around? People change their minds and I get that. People change their minds everyday. However, it’s a hold or a grip that’s not there which makes a person leavable.  Those same qualities – your weird tastes, personality, goals and interests – are what sets you aside from any other courters but when you’re deemed leavable in your partner’s eye, those qualities are a repellant, a detriment.

In Practice

The leavable distinction can happen for any reason but irregardless the partner’s unspoken goal is to inform you, for nebulous reasons, that you are not it. While the expectation is for you, blindsided, to accept this and take the fallback option of being a “friend”. Are you high? How could one be friends with a person who suddenly finds them unsavory for being themselves? How were we hanging and banging just a week ago in a cavalier way and now, you’ve done some soul searching to conclude that your life is so hectic that you can only be “friends”?  How does one’s feelings transfer from hot to cold so quickly – like from the broiler to the blast chiller? It’s because that person is no longer FEELING. The person is THINKING.

I am a huge advocate for two ways of thinking in most instances: belief that grey area usually exists and the logical thinking takes precedence. In dating, regardless of how hard one tries, emotions takes precedence. That’s fine. When someone is deemed leavable in any form of a relationship – whether it’s hanging & banging, dating or marriage – emotions aren’t as involved and logic is at the forefront. The emotions are used as an excuse because one can’t question emotions – it’s a quandary. One starts taking time to think and dissect that every minute of every conversation to pose the question “Why am I with this person?” Then the reasons start to pile up, these logical reasons not against the person but more so on why a relationship would be inconvenient for them at that moment. Time is taken to devise the plan and then, BOOM, the calls.

Calls & Fallout

These usually end  with “so we’re on the same page” after they beat around the bush on how things are changing for them but your relationship will remain in its current state or improve. Then, with the guise of everything being the same, the treatment changes noticeably. It’s as if you signed up for the “friendzone” (word to credit card scams); it’s a backdoor membership (not the sex variety). You were special and now you’re leavable. You’re lumped in with every other person they are cool with. Then your partner wants to understand how you feel (emotions, yes, emotions, no)  – meanwhile they’re in a logical mindset (like a couch in Eddie Murphy‘s crib, fuck your feelings). They wedge an ultimatum – forget how cool and organic things where and still be as dope as you are but I’m going to be different – and keep it moving – cold. What was once organic is now manmade – where there was no pressure – a bloke can make diamonds and burst pipes.

Once the leavable person has any questions, the partner will entertain a few, not empathizing or really listening, they gets frustrated, because this grandiose exit-strategy they’ve developed is flawed. Then you get the punt (bye, have a good life and so on). It’s a weird, flakey end to something that had promise. This is the unfortunate end of something that could have grown and been awesome – keeping in mind that both parties, logically knew going in to this that anything could happen, but it ends, for the sake of this example which is more from a budding relationship scenario, like a bad breakup. A false start here ( if yer counting: that’s two football references in this paragraph – woot!). Both parties have been somewhat vulnerable with each other and sharing in an organic budding friendship leaning to a relationship. No pressure. Now there’s nothing aside from an “it is what it is” scenario. Aren’t we more refined than that? Weak sauce.

Conclusion

One hates bringing a person that could mean something in their life, their world, their scene for them to get caught up in their own head and ruin it. It’s a disservice to the bond and it’s unrealistic to expect a person to be content with a watered-down version of what had been. Logic is very important but when emotions are involved its scientific, meticulous nature hinders things and questions are presented. Maybe before doing a bunch of soul-searching, have a genuine conversation with the person who’s potentially leavable before you start agreeing with yourself. You’ve made your mind up about a person but your reasons are minuata at best – it comes off as being disingenuine. But hell in the end why would you care? In addition, why does one question where someone is at in their life? Fuck, makes you so great? Judge a person on whether they want to be better and are doing things to reach the plateau they are looking to reach instead of imprinting your views on them. Your views aren’t their views – by doing this you’re aligning yourself into a failing position each time. Everyone does not have the same path to get what they want.