Hey Maaaaan, Rob Lee here and I have something on my mind. Time, not in the broad sense, in the micro, right now, affecting the macro sense. Allow me to delve a bit and as always, these blogs are just a stream of consciousness, my musings on a particular thought. These thoughts may be things I visit over and over again as my feelings on the subject or perspective evolve. So please bare with me.
Have you ever had this feeling that the Jack Bauer clock is constantly in the overlay of your life? If you answered yes, then you’re a lot like me. During period of stress I constantly feel like the clock is ticking. This clock usually isn’t one that I manufacture – it’s one given to me whether it’s by a job or external forces, friends, lovers or even state-appointed officials. It’s a dreadful and unsavory feeling – I do things my own way and I’m always on task but these deadlines inspire a feeling that I’m cramming for a test that I know I’ll fail. It’s anxiety evoking – like I know that I need to get whatever it is done and in that haste, regardless of how familiar I am with a process, I may, like any human, make a mistake, so now I’m behind and the dread of screwing up again and not making the deadline are now a tag team – this is a handicap match. It is the worst. Back to the clock, the manufacturer creates a metric of how quickly this is to get done and you’re expected to work within the parameters created. These parameters, interestingly enough, don’t factor in many things such as in a work environment a system going down or in a real life scenario an address changing resulting in a person not reserving an important letter. It’s all very punitive and no one is around to help – you’re expected to get it done and before deadline. The time is always ticking.
Another thing about time that’s always on my mind is the end of it. The buzzer sounds and that’s the end of regulation. The relief of reaching the ending of a particularly stress period, the sadness of the end of time with a person or the constant, shared knowledge of the end of being. The end of being has always shared me. Kevin Smith is a film maker and podcast – he’s one of the main reasons I gave podcasting a shot and that I still do it. I see some of things he’s done such as Tusk and various ventures that came about from podcasting. That inspires me and he’s a hero to me for that and his films. He recently had a massive heart attack and nearly died before performing stand-up. I was a gut punch to me – reality setting in. I read over his Instagram post about his fear of dying like is dad did prior. That always stuck with me. One thing that he wrote from his hospital bed was not wanting his life to end but appreciating it was a gift. That’s awesome perspective. Perspective that I think is missed often and it inspires me – to take chances, value to the people in my life and to recognize that one day my time will be up. When that clock is winding down and I’m taking inventory of my life – will it matter, will it be a gift?