Clearly “beleavable” is spelled incorrectly (word dicks), but there is a meaning in this error. I’ve been pondering what makes dating/relationships fail. It’s not infidelity, hell in my case, I don’t cheat. Cheating is horrible and it leaves scars on the victim. People leave/break-up/disappear because the person they are with is leavable.
Someone being loveable enough to catch a person’s eye, to maintain their interest, develop familiarity outside of a purely physical interest. The leavable part here relates to staying power. Is that loveable person great enough to stay around? People change their minds and I get that. People change their minds every day. However, it’s a hold or a grip that’s not there which makes a person leavable. Those same qualities – your weird tastes, personality, goals, and interests – are what sets you aside from any other courters but when you’re deemed leavable in your partner’s eye, those qualities are a repellant, a detriment.
The leavable distinction can happen for any reason but regardless of the partner’s unspoken goal is to inform you, for nebulous reasons, that you are not it. While the expectation is for you, blindsided, to accept this and take the fallback option of being a “friend”. Are you high? How could one be friends with a person who suddenly finds them unsavory for being themselves? How were we hanging and banging just a week ago in a cavalier way and now, you’ve done some soul searching to conclude that your life is so hectic that you can only be “friends”? How do one’s feelings transfer from hot to cold so quickly – like from the broiler to the blast chiller? It’s because that person is no longer a FEELING. The person is THINKING.
I am a huge advocate for two ways of thinking in most instances: belief that grey area usually exists and the logical thinking takes precedence. In dating, regardless of how hard one tries, emotions take precedence. That’s fine. When someone is deemed leavable in any form of a relationship – whether it’s hanging & banging, dating or marriage – emotions aren’t as involved and logic is at the forefront. The emotions are used as an excuse because one can’t question emotions – it’s a quandary. One starts taking time to think and dissect that every minute of every conversation to pose the question “Why am I with this person?” Then the reasons start to pile up, these logical reasons not against the person but more so on why a relationship would be inconvenient for them at that moment. Time is taken to devise the plan and then, BOOM, the calls.
Calls & Fallout
These usually end with “so we’re on the same page” after they beat around the bush on how things are changing for them but your relationship will remain in its current state or improve. Then, with the guise of everything being the same, the treatment changes noticeably. It’s as if you signed up for the “friend zone” (word to credit card scams); it’s a backdoor membership (not the sex variety). You were special and now you’re leavable. You’re lumped in with every other person they are cool with. Then your partner wants to understand how you feel (emotions, yes, emotions, no) – meanwhile, they’re in a logical mindset (like a couch in Eddie Murphy‘s crib, fuck your feelings). They wedge an ultimatum – forget how cool and organic things where and still be as dope as you are but I’m going to be different – and keep it moving – cold. What was once organic is now manmade – where there was no pressure – a bloke can make diamonds and burst pipes.
Once the leavable person has any questions, the partner will entertain a few, not empathizing or really listen, they get frustrated because this grandiose exit-strategy they’ve developed is flawed. Then you get the punt (bye, have a good life and so on). It’s a weird, flakey end to something that had promise. This is the unfortunate end of something that could have grown and been awesome – keeping in mind that both parties, logically knew going into this that anything could happen, but it ends, for the sake of this example which is more from a budding relationship scenario, like a bad breakup. A false start here ( if yer counting: that’s two football references in this paragraph – woot!). Both parties have been somewhat vulnerable with each other and sharing in an organic budding friendship leaning to a relationship. No pressure. Now there’s nothing aside from an “it is what it is” scenario. Aren’t we more refined than that? Weak sauce.
One hates bringing a person that could mean something in their life, their world, their scene for them to get caught up in their own head and ruin it. It’s a disservice to the bond and it’s unrealistic to expect a person to be content with a watered-down version of what had been. Logic is very important but when emotions are involved its scientific, meticulous nature hinders things and questions are presented. Maybe before doing a bunch of soul-searching, have a genuine conversation with the person who’s potentially leavable before you start agreeing with yourself. You’ve made your mind up about a person but your reasons are minute at best – it comes off as being disingenuine. But hell, in the end, why would you care? In addition, why does one question where someone is at in their life? Fuck, makes you so great? Judge a person on whether they want to be better and are doing things to reach the plateau they are looking to reach instead of imprinting your views on them. Your views aren’t their views – by doing this you’re aligning yourself into a failing position each time. Everyone does not have the same path to get what they want.
- The 15 Best Romantic Indie Films to Watch While in a Relationship (gradualthought.wordpress.com)
- Cheating (msjadore.com)
- Crushing or Cheating? (growingupbryce.com)
- The Logic Behind Love (lindsayblackburn.wordpress.com)
- The Man You Need, The Douche Bag You Deserve
An episode where new words are discussed, match.com is review and Dr. Who is discovered.
Twat Aerator (noun) – a device used to access, my smell, the quality of vagina
Pipe Dream (noun) – (1) the belief that you’ll receive fellatio (2) the imagining of great sex
Energy Level (noun) – (1) the overall quality of a woman (2) based on attraction how many “hit points” is a sexual partner worth
Olympdiks (noun) – the system of having frivolous sex for sport
To preface this: I see the value in all forms of communication.
Social Media has made the world smaller and increases the reach of one’s voice (i.e. this blog and website). However, the way social media is used is out of control and has been for a while. The phone conversation is viewed as dated and archaic. The handwritten note is Jurassic at this point. I’m taking the time now to rank each of the forms of communication I use.
Smoke Signal – this is a huge one, a game-changer. I always utilize whenever I’m in the plains states
Social Media – In a way this is anti-social media (pardon the hackiness here). People have forgotten have to converse and work through their issues. Log-in to Facebook right now and count how many vague and thinly veiled digs are on your timeline. Personally, I’ve been in relationships and out of them via Facebook (seriously, Facebook official – Grow up). There is a need for it, clearly, it’s a multimedia platform and it casts the widest net but its user are poorly utilizing it.
Skype – this is a better phone call. It’s better, obviously, because the callers are able to see one another. The callers can connect on multiple senses as opposed just the one from a telephone call. There is an air of importance here as with a traditional call.
Telephone – this is a tried & true staple for communication. There is an air of importance and, in these days, confusion here. “Why are you calling me? You could have texted me.” As the master of the 2-minute call, it’s arduous for me to maintain a call ( ironically, I’m a conversationalist and a podcaster). I don’t perform well with awkward silence.
Text/Chat – this is overused. Needed but just overused to the extent that people communicate and write in netiquette. However, there’s nothing better than receiving a dirty MMS. Shouts out the text pervs and the dames with lower inhibitions.
Handwritten note – What happened to this? It was such a novel idea but now it appears to be too formal and dated. However, this goes hand and hand with actually speaking to someone. It’s the sender’s essence (poor handwriting, grammar) being sent without the technological filters of texting. I’ve written handwritten notes and they’ve only been for people I am totally enamored with. They take time and thought. Sometimes a text doesn’t do it – as it’s an instantaneous medium and curse auto-correct (I said “I love you” not “I lube you” – now I’m explaining why I’m not buying Astroglide instead of reveling in that sentiment)
I hope you learned something that you’ll apply. Send a handwritten note and call that person instead of posting vague Instagram pictures
An episode where new words, public records and match.com are discussed.
Nutflix (noun) – internet porn
Turning of the page (verb) – an instance when a person demonstrates their distaste towards another person’s comment/activity
Dropping the card (verb) – demonstrating passive interest in a young lady by giving her your contact information
Fucking & Chucking (verb) – engaging in sexual intercourse followed by breaking off the union; see: pink slip
Maybe I was wrong
Maybe there’s another fate
Maybe I was in love
Maybe you were too but your in another state
Maybe time will heal
Maybe it’s too late
Maybe you were the one but we refuse to date
Maybe your lips are sugar
baby I love the taste
Maybe your emotions acidic you act in haste
Maybe the relationship was flawed Maybe it was time we’d waste
Maybe you have the stamina to get here But I’m not designed to race
Maybe time is the test and in my mind I’ll ace,
Maybe your emotions are scissors while your mind inclined is to pace, Maybe you’ll cut me out or this time you’ll paste,
Don’t cut me out take care and paste
Circling The Drain (verb) Fingering the asshole of a willing recipient
Humping &∓ Dumping (verb) (1.) Cultivating a relationship, establishing a connection only to have sex and then dumping the receiver. (2.) Dick move; sociopath game when it comes to dating (3.) Hitting and Splitting
Post-game (noun) the maintenance of a burgeoning relationship; the further establishing of a connection
Drop the Hammer (verb) an exorbitantly dense bowel movement