Robservations | The Three Headed Monster

Rob Lee has a lot of opinions, many of which can’t be contained to Robcast so here’s Robservations.

Hey man, Rob Lee and I have something on my mind – it’s the mind. My mind to be more specific. One of my profound and unwavering fears is the loss of the mental gymnastics I’m capable of. I fear getting older because I would lose the one thing that I’m confident in – my mind, my mental quickness. I want to remain sharp for as long as I can. In that pursuit, which I concede is a losing battle – you can’t beat age – I’m always battling depression, anxiety and stress.  A three headed monster. These aren’t good for the mind – at least my mind. I’ll expand on these areas.

Depression

I’m a person who doesn’t use words like this lightly. I feel that, as a people, we generally are hyperbolic in a word choice. When using this word, I mean it. I have those telltale signs – but it’s coupled with self-awareness. Years of therapy have helped me recognize that depression is there. I want to be perfect and I want to control everything that I touch. That’s not doable but I’ve convinced myself that it’s possible. Battling depression takes energy. Energy that could be earmarked for something more productive like a podcast or writing. Depression stunts that.

Anxiety

Anxiety is my nemesis. He’s a strong nemesis. At times I serve my nemesis as I fear the unknown. This filters into other aspects of my person. So in 2012, I lost a high paying job. I liked this job. After losing the job, I had self-inflicted relationship issues – I wasn’t myself – depression made a guest appearance. This was followed by a slightly irrational decision of moving out on my own as I previously lived with my mom. So I had no income and new bills. I quickly managed that then the biggie happened. I was convinced I was going to die for one reason or another. I couldn’t sleep – I wouldn’t eat – I was convinced that I would die alone in my apartment.

From there I developed what I later learned to be panic attacks. I didn’t have a job, so minimal insurance. I was losing my shit. During this time, I lost nearly 130 pound! This was unhealthy and chiefly a response to anxiety and it’s tag team partner – stress.

Stress

Stress is a motherfucker. It’s heightened cortisol and those stress inhibitors related to fight & flight. It’s like always feeling like a jungle cat is coming for you or in the case of me, like an alligator is coming to rip off your dick. It affects my body drastically – from digestive to muscle tension. I hits my mood as well – I just seek relief.

Stress shows that everything is relief – that’s not true! That relief is a distraction and distractions can be good but they’re short-term and before I could better filter an understand this, they were destructive. I would overindulge or under-indulge in food, drugs, sex and any of the cool shit. I used it as a crutch. It’s not sustainable. Fighting stress is the move and that’s what I’ve been doing.

 

Until next time

 

R

About the Author
Rob Lee, the King snake, Thulsa Doom, Lord Lee and the list goes on. The man has as many aliases as Method Man. He's also man with many interests from pop culture to human behavior. He's patterned his life after bolsterous comedians such as Patrice O'Neal, fictional lovers such as Lee Plenty and Japanese weirdo wrestlers like as Shinsuke Nakamura. If you know who any of these people are, Rob Lee is for you. Check him out on Robcast and Mtrocast weekly on mtrthenetwork.com
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